Suicide’s an Alternative

dead

I haven’t been writing much here or anywhere really for a long time as I’m dealing with a lot of bad shit in my life and battling depression I guess you could say, not that anyone really gives a shit really about what I have to say so it probably doesn’t really matter if I write or not, no one would miss me I’m sure…

I’ve known a few people in my life that have killed themselves, close relatives and just people I knew at one point or another in my life and I never could figure out how or why they really did it but I think I understand now, there’s no other way out, there’s no other answer, no one will help you so the only way to stop the pain and misery is to just end it all.

I heard or read somewhere that depression and suicide are like falling into a deep dark hole that you can’t get out of so the only way out is to kill yourself and I get that now, I can see it.

Since April of 2017 I’ve been being harassed, tortured, threatened, tormented, lied about, and any other adjectives that pertain to the situation would fit, but just generally making my life miserable and no one will help me. People think he’s this wonderful person but I know the truth, I know the side of him that no one else sees and no one will stop him from doing this to me and my family.

I’m a captive in my own house, I’m afraid to go outside for fear of what will happen to me. This person has spread lies all over the neighborhood about me and people hate me, but yet I’ve done nothing to anyone. I don’t bother anyone, I don’t talk to these people but yet they think they know me and they hate me because of the lies.

I don’t know what to do anymore but I can’t live like this. I don’t sleep, I barely eat and when I do it’s not because I’m hungry it’s because I know I have to so I force myself to eat. I sleep just a couple or if I’m lucky a few hours per night, I’m just so tired all the time, I just want to sleep, I just want to be left alone. When I do sleep I wake up thinking ‘damn, another day of misery’.

I enjoy nothing anymore, I just go through the motions and pretend or just fake it to make people think everything is ok. This person has taken everything from me, I just go through the motions of living now, it’s like being in a haze. I try to do things that I enjoyed but it’s just not the same anymore, there is no enjoyment in any of it. Everyday I sit here in fear just waiting for something to happen. This person has taken my life from me and I don’t know what to do about it, no one will help me.

I’ve never done anything to this person to deserve any of this, I was only ever nice to him, but then I learned some things about him and what he was doing and he said some things so I cut all ties with him. So I guess I did do something to him, I stopped talking to him. I didn’t speak to him or have any communication with him for well over a year when he did some other stuff and that was an argument in front of the police.

I have other health issues as well but because of what’s going on with this person I’m now on high blood pressure medication and seeing a therapist when I can force myself to get out of my house.

I could go on and on about the harassment and torture but what’s the point, not like anyone will believe me anyway, everyone believes what he says about me. I bother no one, I don’t talk to anyone and I thought that was enough but apparently it’s not enough to just keep to myself.

This isn’t a suicide note or anything, it just is what it is.

I know no one gives a shit about all of this or me but I don’t have anyone else to talk to so it’s here…

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