and yeah it sucks…

depressing really, there’s just so much I wish I could have done, and I so much I wish I would have said to/for my Mother while she was alive… little late now though to have those regrets I guess. I just didn’t think she was going to die so suddenly, I honestly thought she would be around for a lot longer. She was fine Sunday the 15th, I left the hospital around 10:30pm, she was talking, awake, and we were talking about the next day and what she was going to have done medically. I knew she was going to be busy so I told her to just call me when she gets that chance and I would come back up to visit, and I told her goodnight and that I would see her tomorrow. I regret that I didn’t tell her I loved her that night when I left, and I always will now. I went home, did a bit of work and went to bed, then I got the phone call in the morning and she died that evening. They think she had a stroke through the night, she wasn’t responsive at all, she just laid there all day long, not moving, not even blinking…

She was actually getting better until they moved her into that long term care facility for rehabilitation, then it all went down from there and she died because they didn’t do what they were supposed to do for her. I talked to them, they told me they knew the care she needed, it was in her charts etc, but if they did know, and do what they were supposed to do, she most likely would be alive right now.

I don’t know… people tell me to go out for your birthday, take the kids to dinner or something, get your mind off things, but no, that’s pretty much impossible. I just feel like sitting in a corner and crying for a long time actually, but I’ve go things to do so that won’t happen. Keep busy to take my mind off of things, I sure as hell don’t feel like celebrating today

so my 37th birthday is going to be one to remember for sure, not because it was nice or anything, only because it was depressing and sad

Well it’s been a long week, with still more stuff to do… but I’ve got to get back into the swing of things here with work.

Tomorrow I get to go and pick out headstone for my Mom, that’s going to be not fun at all…

oh well, life goes on I guess, at least for most of us anyway,,,

If anyone was paying attention you’d know my mom has been very sick, well she died a few hours ago…

Why I’m updating my blog right now, I don’t know, guess I just don’t know what else to do, trying to get some work done, as there’s really nothing more for me to do tonight about it anyway… trying to just take my mind off of things at the moment…

don’t know, but it’s better now, she’s no longer in pain at least, but she’ll be missed..

I know I should be updating this blog more often, but I’m just too busy right now with more important things in life.

Work is busy, that’s fine, that’s really good actually…

…but my Mom is getting worse, she was in hospital last week again, had to give her blood transfusions, and her kidneys are failing. Of course she still needs a new liver, but she has to get better before that can happen. So now they’re got her on dialysis three times per week, on top of draining the fluid from her abdomen that builds up because of the liver. They moved her to a long term care facility to help take care of her as she doesn’t have the strength to walk, she weighs all of about 80lbs now. And of course she needs 24 hour care at the moment. They’re trying to get her strength back up but it’s going to be quite a while..

I was out to visit this morning and she was sitting up, but her mind isn’t all there it seems anymore. Since she’s in this care facility it’s not very secure, so I decided to grab a few of her more important personal belonging that she really wouldn’t need while she’s there. I went to take her car keys, she told me no that she was going for a ride later in her car… her car is parked at home, and she can’t even walk let alone drive a car. So she basically didn’t know here she was at that time.. she goes in and out of it though, one minute she’s fine the next she’s off somewhere else..

don’t know, it sucks really…

Y’know,  there was a time I might be excited about the Steelers winning, I’m from Pittsburgh, and sure I’m happy for them, but there has to be assholes that just screw things up and make anything good suck…

So I’m stuck with asinine neighbors who have no common decency or respect for anyone else, they’re out there screaming and yelling, running up and down the street, (I was just hoping one of them would get hit by a car, maybe a Cardinals fan driving by!) and shooting off fireworks… This of course leads to them scaring the hell out of my 3 yr old son, waking him up crying because he doesn’t know what’s going on… Inconsiderate pricks, all of them!!

I’d like to go out there with a baseball bat and have at it, but I won’t, I’d like to call the police, but I won’t…. I’ve done that before, called the police, with my neighbors for noise and other problems, I ended up with flat tires, egg on my car and a smashed windshield, so we just have to sit here and deal with it… I hate them all and I need to move, somewhere quiet, or at least somewhere that the neighbors respect one another…

at this point in time I wish the Steelers would have lost, it would be much quieter and the assholes would be in their houses pouting….

This world is full of people that just don’t give a damn about anyone else, and frankly I’m sick of it, they can all go rot in hell…..